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| AP: The Washington Examiner |
It's important to teach women and girls to speak up. To say NO. To say what they want. To say YES enthusiastically when that is what they mean. The problem, however, is that we've been taught as girls and women that saying NO can mean more aggression, more pain, more fear. What do we say to the girl who is in the car with a boy at night driving on a deserted highway and he pulls over to rape her? If she says NO clearly and loudly - won't this bigger, stronger boy still do exactly what he meant to do and no one will be there to help? Will she be safer if she goes along, stays quiet, pretends to like it? It is problematic to assume that any time she says no she will be respected and heard.
She won't. She won't. She won't.
Should we teach it? Yes. We must.
The reason the Aziz Ansari story is so huge is because it touches on all these things. We want there to be black and white. We want there to be easy answers. We want to be able to simply teach our girls how to be mighty and imagine that will protect them from predators.
If "Grace" had spoken up with a strong voice and said
NO.
I hate this.
Get away from me...
Would Ansari have stopped?
I'm going to say likelihood is high that he would. He did when she was most clear. But what about those times when your no is not enough. When your pushing away is not enough? When you are alone and there is no one to hear you screaming? When the person you are with is not there to respect you or trying in any way to be a "good person"? And how do we teach girls what the heck to do? And how to know the difference?
I am publishing this here because I do not know the answers, but I am so so grateful that we as a society are finally having this conversation.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
It is time.
It is time.
#metoo
#timesup
